Friday, August 04, 2006

moving on...

yep....the OCD in me fell in love with the ability to categorize posts over at wordpress.

all new posts will be there.
Join me! :)

Monday, July 24, 2006

processing

Sometimes I miss you

Sometimes, thoughts of what I let you do to me

and what I did to you

Shake my body with the anger they bring

At times, I’d like to scream at you, tears flying from my eyes,

And make sure you understand

Just how many ugly scars our encounters left me

But I never wish we had never crossed paths

And of course I wish the best for you

Hope you give and receive love

Though mostly,

I just miss you

Friday, June 30, 2006

::sigh::

These are SO DELICIOUS!!

If I EVER need a motivation to get in shape, I just glance at this.

I LOVE the clothes at anthropologie. They use amazing fabrics, have lovely cuts, innovative styling, and incredible ensembles. I just wish the prices were more affordable. At least looking at their beautiful pieces feeds my soul :)

new flickr pics!!

check them out at www.flickr.com/photos/twofirstborns

happiness...

is having my eyebrows done by the most amazing eyebrow artist I've ever met. It never fails. I go in, just asking for a quick re-shaping, and EVERY time she hands me that mirror to see what she's done in those magical 3-5 minutes, the amazing work I see reflected *literally* takes my breath away.

Happiness is *not* having one's underarms waxed. Rather, having one's underarms waxed is TORMENT--one of the more painful experiences I've had--nearly as bad as the bikini portion of a brazilian wax (though, I know it wasn't on the same level since I wasn't shaking in pain).

I miss my best friend :(...and I think that life is absurdly complicated. The many complicated, strange processes I perform daily are mind-boggling--driving, avoiding collisions with other cars, shopping, checking email, navigating my workplace, socially and technically, taking care of all the little "necessities" like the 3 kinds of insurance necessary for my existence, apparently, paying multiple bills every month, fulfilling social obligations, cultivating relationships....

Obviously, I'm in need of some re-centering. God, please help me to remember that bringing glory to You is what you've placed me on this planet and in this community to do. Period. Please show me how best to accomplish this mission every day, all day. I love you.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

on victimhood....

She'd always chosen not be victimized, to resist and fight back, to hold on to hope and dignity and faith in the future. But victimhood was seductive, a release from respoinsibility and caring: Fear would be transmuted into weary resignation; failure would no longer generate guilt but instead would spawn a comforting self pity.

Now she trembled on an emotional high wire, not sure whether she would be able to keep her balance or would allow herself to fail and fall.
From Intensity by Dean Koontz

Friday, June 23, 2006

yummy quote for the day

"Our life's journey of self-discovery is not a straight-line rise from one
level of consciousness to another. Instead, it is a series of steep climbs
and flat plateaus, then further climbs. Even though we all approach the
journey from different directions, certain of the journey's characteristics
are common to all of us."
- Stuart Wilde

Shared by my lovely friend, Shereen.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

29fragiledays: reduction 2 (seoul, south korea)

29fragiledays: reduction 2 (seoul, south korea)

an absolutely brilliant idea from the author of 29fragiledays.blogspot.com!! :) Enjoy.

thinking about switching...

to wordpress....

http://mircat.wordpress.com/

Anyone have any thoughts on the differences between wordpress and blogger?

for Monday...

at the risky of being overly smarmy...

When you arise in the morning, think of that a privilege it is to be alive:
to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
~Marcus Aurelius

Now, this is a great quote...maybe someday I'll be able to *remember* it when I'm trying to haul my overly ample arse out of bed to exercise at 6:30 in the morning. :)

Thursday, June 15, 2006

marriage...

I can't believe that in July of this year, I will have known my husband for THREE YEARS.

Three years is a LONG time.

And we will be celebrating our 2nd anniversary in just a couple of months. Also mind boggling.

Marriage. . . it's tough. . . and beautiful. . . I can't wait to see what this next year will bring.

of sharpies & opals







What Color Sharpie Are You? (25 Different Colors) Updated Again!




Mint Sharpie
Element: Air
Sense: Sight
Gemstone Opal
Some Qualities: Inner Beauty, Faith, Peace
Fact: Opal aids inner beauty, faithfulness, and eyesight and helps recall past lives.
Take this quiz!








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Sunday, June 11, 2006

beautiful little poem

it reminded me of all those tiny "moments" we have with other people...not necessarily romantic or sexual....just those strange bits of intense connection with another soul at the most unexpected moments. I'm not sure what the "cool" or academically in vogue view is on Carl Sandburg's works, but I love his simple, nuanced verses. They're very accessible, but also stand up to in depth exploration.

130. A Dream Girl
YOU will come one day in a waver of love,
Tender as dew, impetuous as rain,
The tan of the sun will be on your skin,
The purr of the breeze in your murmuring speech,
You will pose with a hill-flower grace. 5
You will come, with your slim, expressive arms,
A poise of the head no sculptor has caught
And nuances spoken with shoulder and neck,
Your face in a pass-and-repass of moods
As many as skies in delicate change 10
Of cloud and blue and flimmering sun.
Yet,
You may not come, O girl of a dream,
We may but pass as the world goes by
And take from a look of eyes into eyes, 15
A film of hope and a memoried day.

in other news...

...I made some major decisions recently. I withdrew from the Correspondonce-style law school that I've been taking part in for the past year. I LOVE the field of law, find it very interesting, but HATE the distance learning format for law school. Plus, I don't plan on actually practicing law, nor can I envision myself doing it. So, I decided that I can learn about law all I want on my own, without paying lots and lots of $$ every year. A tough call....embarrassing, on some levels, to stop something that I've started. But, I know it's the right thing to do. What next? I don't know. All I know now is that God wants me where I am, for some strange reason, and I need MASSIVE amounts of His help to keep me there. A good feeling...though much of the time it feels like peaceful terror. Though I'll take peaceful terror any day over the feeling of stagnation! :)

exciting day

My sweetie "graduated" with his Master's of Science in Physician Assistant degree. I'm SO proud of him. I say "graduated" rather than graduated b/c he's not actually finished 'til Dec 1 of this year. BUT, they don't have a Dec. graduation, so he walked today.

Lovely ceremony, made me want an MA!!! I'm so ridiculously proud of all the hard work he put into this degree--AND, he got the 2nd highest award granted by the school--the Dean's award. Congratulations, Sweetheart--you're amazing and a daily inspiration--I can't wait to see where we are, together, at this time next year!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

pretty patio :)

I had a ridiculously domestic day today :)....re-did my patio. It was horrifically unsightly, and I figured that since my husband and I look at it every single day when we leave and come back home, it might as well look nice.

So, the frame is now re-painted, there are hanging ferns in seagrass baskets in 3 corners, and there is a morning-glory garland wound 'round the perimeter. It's quite lovely and simple.

I still can't believe how much having one's own place brings out the "nesting instinct" that apparently resides in everyone! :)

Friday, April 21, 2006

MIDTERMS

2 minutes away from starting law school midterms. YIKES! I'll be done in 3 hours.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

ERGH!!!!!!!

Studying for Law School Midterms...is SO NOT FUN!

But websurfing is... :)

I'm looking for a way to get fit without spending $50/session on a personal trainer. Now, I totally think that personal trainers are worth that type of money, and I think that my health is worth that type of money too....but this isn't a "cost is an issue in the absence of value" situation. It's a "cost is an issue in the absence of sufficient currency" issue. Bleah. Anyway, I found in an interesting site, and they have program locations near my house. I'm thinking it may be a good deal...I'd do the "3 sessions/week" program for $200, I think...though I'd much rather do 5/week. It boils down to about $17/hour of instruction, which is pretty good. AND, most importantly, it fits in with my work schedule.

BUT, the most agonizing thing is, I have a free and wonderful membership to a health center at my hubby's work...I just don't know how to take advantage of all the awesome equipment that's there. If anyone knows someone who's studying to be a Personal Trainer or has another reason for wanting to train someone cheaply :) let me know! I'd much rather go that route so that I creative a self-sustaining level of independence re: my health.

Monday, April 17, 2006

if anyone needs a flash drive....

This place has a huge selection and incredible prices...I'm not sure how they do it, but whatever their system is, it's working! I'm still in shock....I just got a 1 GB flash drive for $45! and that includes shipping and insurance!. Yeah, pretty amazing. : )

good things

life is full of 'em...even in the midst of all sorts of stress.

A few examples:
  • getting to spend a week in San Francisco, meeting lots of awesome new people & making some great (hopefully lifelong) contacts
  • eating the singlemost delicious dessert I've ever tasted (and I've tried MANY!)..."sopa de chocolate"--a chilled chocolate soup surrounding a tiny chocolate brioche pudding topped w/ a mini scoop of housemade vanilla ice cream. complements of b44, a Spanish restaurant at 44 Beldon Street in downtown SF.
  • learning a LOT about my view of business, professionalism, and myself
  • having several upcoming opportunities to build courage
  • reconnecting with a lovely friend from college
  • getting to attend a 5 AM Easter vigil service wherein I and the wunderhusband watched the "Pascal fire" relit (having been ceremonially extinguished on Good Friday)
  • having a wonderful conversation with one of my favorite artists (thanks, Joi!!)
  • waiting for the arrival of a new person, Lucy Motte
All of these lovely blessings in the midst of stress of midterms, a sick hubby, and large quantities of change (and not the spendable kind!)....God is good.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

go visit these websites!!

If you're bored, here are some fun sites to peruse:

  • One of the most creative sites I've ever been on-beautifully organized, inspiring on all levels...a complete gem. I love you, Lisa Vollrath! :)
  • Yummy, amazingly well-priced, HAND MADE body care products. Her scents are to die for, and her mailing list offers are a complete steal...she won't spam you, and you get incredible free stuff, huge discounts (especially on candles!), and special offers that don't appear anywhere else. Yeay for Starfire! :) (no affiliation...she's just turned me into a raving fan)
Oh yeah! Visited the martial arts studio today, where I'll be starting Martial Arts on 4/24/2006....very exciting. Glad I signed up for it when my hubby did and BEFORE I saw what it'll be like. I'm now terrified but excited....it'll be good to get in some conditioning exercises (though pushups done on my knuckles on stacks of bricks are really NOT my preference), and again, always good to be yanked out of the ol' comfort zone.

OOO. Went to a US AID presentation today at Loma Linda. It was about what the US is doing in Afghanistan...I almost started having an anxiety attack during the talk. It was very disturbing to hear about a 1600 per 100,000 maternal death rate (highest in the WORLD)...for a comparison, the US maternal death rate is 6 per 100,000. And Afghanistan's may be much much higher--it's rough to get accurate statistics in such a torn up, disorganized situation.

US AID ROCKS! I want to work for them when I grow up! :)

long time coming

One thing i detest is that when my life gets really interesting, instead of running to my computer to share the events with my blog buddies, I instead QUIT BLOGGING. This makes NO sense to me.

Anywho, many exciting things have happened. Some I can share here, and others I cannot.

Loads of friends are having babies--this is incredibly fun to watch and learn from. Having two pregnant women at my last job made me realize that being pregnant does not mean you sit at home alone, isolated, and in pain (I don't know WHY I thought this...not sure I realized I thought this 'til I found myself surprised at how active my pregnant co-workers are). I also realized that you don't have to gain inordinate amounts of weight when you're pregnant....VERY reassuring for someone has obsessed with body image, etc., as I am. In fact, all people my age who are having babies are quite fit, and seem to have bounced back from pregnancy very well.

Went to the snow with my hubby and our dog on Saturday--SO FUN...it was absolutely glorious.... We started hiking in this low, dark part of the mountain--and it was FREEZING COLD with an icky, icy wind. So, we went back to car and just went a few miles up, and lo and behold! the sun was out, the snow was sparkling (more like blinding!), and there was no freezing wind. We experienced an interesting phenomenon--since we were hiking in the sun, the snow was melting in a continuous stream off the trees, so anytime we were under the trees that lined the trail, it was like hiking in the rain...something we never anticipated. Our dog didn't mind, and she looked adorable in the snow, her fur all puffed up and her ears perky and excited.

Must get back to studying now...much love!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

not bad...

except I'm a SCORPIO!

You Should Be A Pisces

What's good about you: carefree and compassionate, you are truly light hearted

What's bad about you: when things get bad, you tend to retreat and not let others in

In love: you're a true romantic - it's flowers, bubble baths, and candles all the way

In friendship, you're: eager to lend a sympathetic ear and likely to develop a deep connection

Your ideal job: bartender, magician, or secret agent

Your sense of fashion: simple clothes that don't distract from your personality

You like to pig out on: seafood - from fish sticks to salmon
What Sign Should You Be?

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

wish I could've seen...

this

Seriously....this artist has some really amazing concepts...I particularly like his rant against the techniques used by visual media.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

::smiles::


thinkingofyou
Originally uploaded by Miriam and Tony.

created beauty

I overheard an interesting conversation between a man and woman a few days ago. They were talking abt the concepts of attraction and what makes a member of the opposite sex alluring. The guy said that a "good body" was far more attractive to him than a beautiful face. WHY??? The female asked, slightly outraged...the answer has stayed with me this whole week.

"Because," he explained, "A beautiful body must be created, and it takes a lot of work to maintain. I know that that person has taken the time to take care of herself and keep herself up, and that's far more attractive than having a pretty face b/c having a pretty face takes no actual effort".


Intriguing...goes along with the other realization I had a couple of weeks ago--when I believe in my own worth as an immortal soul loved by God, and I feel (and therefore exude) the joy, love, and confidence that comes along with such a freeing realization, people notice and respond in kind.
(Funny example: I was feeling unusually happy, confident and outgoing one night as I drove home. I was singing and dancing in my car, on a natural high from feeling so joyful. A guy on a motorcycle pulled up near my car and I glanced over (like I always do) to see exactly where he was. We locked eyes (weird). and he waved....I waved back and smiled. he continued to wave...and I realized he wasn't waving, he was beckoning. After motioning me to follow him, he headed toward an exit on the freeway....fun times! Of course, I kept driving....but seriously, this stuff almost always happens not when I'm all dressed up or looking particularly cute. It happens when I'm feeling happy and confident.)

People seem to be attracted to love in any form--it's so wonderful to interact with a person who has been freed by love to be herself/himself...and to therefore STOP OBSESSING ABOUT her/himself!

It's also a place that invites criticism...people often seem to want to test and poke and prod good or strong things/people, etc. to see if they're real. This can be pretty brutal or mean...b/c the place from which people question such things is one of disbelief, skepticism, anger, or jealousy....mostly because they themselves are hurting.

I hope to be in a strong, loving, and un-self-obsessed place more often than not this year, this month, this week...today.

working epiphany

Always a struggle for a people-pleaser like yours truly is the concept of personal desires, wants, integrity, etc., vs. worrying re: disappointing people and doing what others want me to do.

Thankfully, several wonderful people in my life have had and continue to have a positive influence on my mental battle with this. Recently, work has been insane...crazy expectations, etc....and we just got a new person transferring in who I've known for over a year. This person, we'll call her Ophelia, is an amazing Salesperson....and I just found out how. And I've decided that I can definitely learn from this person, but I don't want to be #1 if it involves doing everything she did. I realized that when the top people are cheating and doing very questionable things to be #1, it's pretty silly to stress out about ethically beating them. I just need to do my personal best (which, granted, can definitely be improved) and take pride in doing that. My competitive side HATES that....and there's still a part of me that says "C'mon, God, help me figure out a way to beat them to show that good can still prevail". The reality is, though, my day-to-day interactions with individuals are what truly show either goodness or indifference, or apathy, or compassion.

And so I'm excited to return, rejuvenated, to improve and hone my skills....and to take pride in taking care of people and making sure they get what they need.

Mir

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

what I want to do...

if I'm ever a parent.

I love the monthly newsletter this woman does for her daughter. This month's letter made me cry.

Happy 2006

Yeay for the new year. I always get a rush in January--even though I haven't made any special resolutions, etc., the new year just highlights the opportunity I have every day....to make a new start and be a better person, no matter what has transpired previously.

God has been so real to me in these past few hours--he's felt so near in a way that hasn't been in my life for many, many months. What a beautiful way to start 2006.

I hereby dub thee, 2006, year of good changes!

Monday, December 26, 2005

MERRY TIMES!

What a wonderful Christmas this has been--the best married Christmas, thus far, and a wonderful time to connect with friends.

We made 50 candy apples this year and packaged them all (indivdually) in 45 minutes flat! They were coated in homemade-from-scratch caramel and tons of toppings--chocolate, m & m's, reese's peanut butter chips, snicker's bar pieces, white chocolate, rice krispy bits, nuts, etc....yum!

We got to hang out with our dear friends Tim & Rachel on Christmas afternoon. We also received some AWESOME Tazo tea and bulbs to grow our own narcissus plants from them...what thoughtful gifts!

Had a fun time at the family party--the gift exchange was hilarious--we had to do impressions of the person to whom we were giving a gift. good times! AND....the best part of this season, imho, was spending Christmas Eve with my two brothers in law, my cousin, my brother in law's girlfriend, and my DH. We all went to the 9:50 showing of Narnia--what a fabulous way to start in on Christmas. :)

Found out my old college roomie is PREGNANT! Congrats, bacchant friend o' mine! :)

Life is its usual "awful, beautiful" self....much love to all...and may we all shine the love of He who gave His only son so that we could be in eternal community with Him to all we meet.

Friday, December 16, 2005

hmmmm.







what Beauty do you hold?(with anime pics)




your Beauty is mysterious.your usually seen by yourself and when you are around others your often lost in your own thoughts.your eye's are so deep that anyone could get lost in them
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YEAY ME!

MAJOR HURDLE ummm, well, HURDLED!!! : )

I wrote my first law school essay today (it was on Torts), after being absolutely petrified by the thought for 2 days. (yeah--who would have ever thought *I* would be scared of a writing assignment??)

It was rather exhilarating--though I know that anyone else (Especially anyone who has to read such a monster) would find the whole thing quite mind-numbing. Just submitted it right now. BIG load off--really frees me up to do other things.

Had a weird day at work--one of my bosses made me SOOO MAD that I snapped at her and flat out refused to do something. She's still mad. I figured out a more diplomatic way that I could have handled the situation...but I'm still proud that I defended my boundaries...that's a big thing for me! :) Still, it was a great sales day with lots of fun people to interact with, and 2 people commented that I have really "small, cute feet". That's SO RANDOM...but hey, at least 1 part of me is small! :-P PLUS...I get to wear JEANS to work tomorrow--oh happy, glorious day!


Much love, dear friends...sorry for the pedestrian posts lately! Hopefully pedestrian is better than totally absent? :-/ ?
::hugs::

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

who am I??

and WHY DO I WANT THIS?

Seriously, what's happening to me? I tried the "cotton candy" flavor of the Treats line at Ulta's cosmetics counter and practically bit my own hand off--it tasted SO DELICIOUS!! I think I may have found someone who can duplicate or at least come close to making something like it. We'll see.

Until then, I shall resist my hopelessly girly whims!

keloids

I think I'm prone to emotional keloids. I had a friend who suffered horrible burns all over his body
and because he was prone to developing a painful, particularly awful and restricting type of scar tissue, he had keloids all over his arms and neck--huge, upraised scars that hurt and restricted his muscle movement.

Seriously, I must have the EXACT SAME condition in relation to my emotions. I know I have scars from hurtful people, decisions, relationships and circumstances....but scars aren't supposed to hurt!! And they're not supposed to restrict further growth....It's a funny thing: every time I think I'm doing SO WELL in one area, it seems that there's another scar just waiting to give me that agonizing, not-so-little twinge that can only come from guilt-ridden regret.

Yet in all of this, what is truly amazing, is that I can still experience beautiful, life-altering joy. How can this be? I think God knew that we'd have incredible sadness here on earth--that's why he's given us such amazing "Ambiguity tolerance"--the ability to live with absurdly divergent circumstances and fully experience the nuances of each one.

weird yet wonderful.

morbid?

A few days ago, the clouds were ridiculously glorious--always in several crazy patterns at once, with beautiful, bright colors strewn in...

I was enjoying this sight while driving to work and laughed when I saw a giant cupcake-shaped cloud...or was it a mushroom-cloud shaped cloud....?

Instead of making myself choose between the two, I decided it was a nuclear cupcake.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

encouraging

Had a 2.5 hour meeting this AM--and loved it....God knows just what I need sometimes. : ) My financial consultant did an awesome sales presentation with some very helpful tips, etc. But his most memorable tidbits were the 3 very nice comments he specifically made about my work....and he made all of those comments in front of my sales manager. These comments struck me particularly b.c I have such an excessive amt of career oriented angst right now--I'm hating retail, hating that only 30% of my job (at the most) involves making positive changes in people's lives. ::sigh:: Then, my FC comes along and mentions that even though he "knows I want to join the Peace Corp" (it's a joke between us that I want to do something more altruistic and his main goal in life is to make TONS of $$...nothing wrong with; it's just a funny difference between the two of us), he thinks I make a really good relationship manager b/c "her customers love her". He also mentioned that I'm at the point where he completely trusts me to serve customers on my own and just bring him in on deals I think he should be in on, or deals that exceed my (admittedly puny) $100K limit. That means, conversely, that I even though I'm technically only supposed to do deals that are 25K or less, I could actually do anything under 100K on my own....SWEET (and scary)! Then....during a discussion about good profiling/customer interaction techniques, he used me as an example twice: 1st, he said that I smile sincerely and ALL the time, and 2nd that I do a really good job of listening and finding common points of interest with which to connect with the customer. The funny thing is, I had recently been agonizing over feeling like that was one of my worst points and wishing I could be more like him in that area. Just funny how God throws in little bits of encouragment when I'm feeling down. I figured I'd write these things down so I can glance back at them when I'm feeling blue. :)

Missing Torrey immensely right now...even more than usual.